I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
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