I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Randomize
