I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
