man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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