There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
