drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize