so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
