How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
