I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
