JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Randomize