I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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