toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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