How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
no you cant smoke seaweed
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
