sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
