so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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