Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize