It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
