my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
