Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
