going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
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