I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I party with great urgency now.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
