So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
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