I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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