I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
