The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
