im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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