I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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