Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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