remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Randomize
