When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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