i need an iv and a liver transplant
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
where does the pee come out of this thing
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Randomize
