His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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