that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize