I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
