Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
