So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
