She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Randomize
