I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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