I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
