Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
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