Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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