Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
