I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Randomize
