oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
