i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Randomize
