She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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