If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Randomize
