You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
