She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Randomize
