Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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