So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
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