Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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