You're completely useless in the revolution.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
