Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
