Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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