Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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