Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
