He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
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