Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
