Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
