It's like God shit irony all over that family
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
