there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
