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I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
