How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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