you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize