Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
