I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Randomize