Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize
