i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
i dont even know how to be here
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize