my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Randomize
