I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
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