I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
