I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
