In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
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