I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
dude. I can hear the air.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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