her vagine was all disorganized.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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