Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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