hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
