My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
