I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
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